“Don’t think of a pink elephant!” was my instruction to the audience in front of me, as I began teaching the language segment of my class. They burst out laughing. I knew they had done just the opposite. Most of them had a visual of pink elephants in their head. I had captured their attention.
 
Carrying on, I explained that the unconscious mind could not process negatives. Words like don’t, can’t, won’t and so on, were deleted internally because the unconscious mind processes through the five senses. What we see, hear, feel, taste and smell in our daily experience is stored this way.
 
Having trained people from all walks of life to understand how they operate, I am super alert to language used around me. Let me share a recent example that occurred a few weeks ago.
 
I lawn bowl in my free time. As the National tournaments commenced I was pitched against an 11 year old in one of my matches. She was a first timer so I knew the pressure of bowling in a competition of adults, would be mounting within her though she was adamant she would be ok.
 
Halfway through our match she burst into tears sobbing at the edge of the Green. I waited patiently while her mum and coach began to get her out of this negative state.
 
I heard negative language like “stop crying” which made me cringe. They were focusing her on crying and so obviously, she carried on. I couldn’t intervene (as with most times when I observe people using negative language) since I was her opponent.
 
I hear parents speak to their children so much in this way not knowing they are installing exactly what they do not want. It’s more effective to say it the way you want it;
 
- “focus on the game”
- “you have already won the first set”
- “the game can turn from one second to another”
 
A simple awakening to a small aspect of language has the potential to change your life. Responses will begin to emerge as positive and you are far closer to the outcome that you desire.
 
Try it and observe. These are simple processes in the Neuro Linguistic Programming toolbox that can change your life around immediately. 

​My recent trip to Lisbon began at the check-in counter. Computer terminals were not working as a check-in staff hopped from one to another, hoping for better luck. Her frustration was mounting as she raced against time.
 
I was glad when she looked up and beckoned to me. Pushing my heavy-laden trolley forward, I began to step into her world. It was a bad start to her morning.
Speaking in a tone, rhythm and speed similar to her, I began to build rapport, a fundamental Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) technique.
 
This relaxed her. She felt I was familiar which gave her the focus she needed to get her job done fast. I was carrying 61kg of personal belongings for a friend who had just migrated from Singapore. For me, it was fundamentally about how I could get as much checked in as possible.
 
Giving her the silence that she needed intermittently, I slowly wove a story in to her unconscious mind, about my friend. I felt she had much in common as I realised she was single too. I knew she was intrigued as she asked more questions, engaging with me. Her curiosity led me to believe that she was in the same predicament. I had struck some empathy with her.
 
She looked at my trolley and asked “do you wish to check all those bags?” I frowned with a smile and said “yes” then left a block of silence. I gave her time to process.
 
She said “give me a minute” and hurried over to her manager. Nodding her head as she returned, she said “I’ll do it for you”. I couldn’t believe my ears. My heart thumped with excitement as all boxes were checked in seamlessly. She had acceded to my request. I wasn’t charged for the additional 21kg. 
 
She totally understood my desire to help a friend and the gates of rapport had opened within her, to help me. I had stepped into her shoes to realise that she too might want new possibilities someday.
 
Thinking back I reflected on what I had done. This is what came to mind;
 
LOOK FOR A CONNECTION

• I connected with her world by stepping into her shoes – she was single, desiring what my friend was seeking too.

 
MATCH TONALITY OF SPEECH

• Her unconscious mind relaxed when she felt a familiarity with me – this came from pacing her language.

 
USE NEGATIVES TO YOUR ADVANTAGE

• Rather than say “You’ve had a difficult day” which would focus on tough experiences, I focused her mind on “easy”.

 
This is outcome-driven communication. You become targeted in approach. If you enjoyed this read, it is a sign that you are ready to learn more NLP techniques.
 

Our state of mind determines the outcomes we achieve. Most often I have people say “you are so lucky”. They do not realise that my focused state is what brings in the goods.
 
Observing what is happening in the world. We have gone to war as a choice rather than being forced to. It isn’t our only option. Leaders could call upon their people to step into a state of forgiveness and leave the past where it belongs, in the past.
 
Instead we choose to mar our future with the same footprint, only to impact innocent people living their lives, some already in poverty. The younger generations will think like this.
 
They strive for peace. Their higher emotional intelligence quotient drives them to focus on binding relationships and living in tandem with Mother Earth’s needs. Their state differs from generations before.
 
Harboring anger is not in their DNA. Older generations need to learn this. Perhaps to think of some states of mind that could be useful:

• Forgiveness
• Letting go / release
• Generosity of spirit

 
So if we stepped into even one of these, our day would pan out vastly different to our past. How do we get to the point of creating a state that could impact our decisions and therefore our day?
 
We merely access our memories of a time when we were in that past state, for instance forgiveness. “When did I forgive someone?” ask yourself and step into that feeling. What do you see and hear in that event?
 
If it is a 8 out of 10 intensity, amp it up to maximum like turning a dial on the radio. This sends signals to our neurology to access this state of forgiveness powerfully. Anchor it somewhere so that this is available anytime anywhere you need it in the future.
This is the start of learning how to create a state. Begin with a simple situation where you need to focus on a specific outcome. Create a state to resolve the situation and experience the outcome you desire.
 
Once you get a win you will want more. Like a drug (only this is free), creating states will grow on you till you become a masterful state manager and life is deemed lucky. 

​Research has proven that employee satisfaction contributes enormously to organizational success. Tech IT giants Google and Microsoft got this very early in the piece, securing talent easily with their flexible work hours and well-stocked pantries.
 
Today, employee engagement has become a priority metric to gauge as HR and Senior Leadership look for ways to keep a cohesive workforce together and satisfied.
 
Taking this a step further, a big factor is employees knowing how their contribution connects to the organisations’ mission, vision and core values. Typically, KPI’s are “served” to employees without much discussion on how they were drawn up and the importance of the employee’s role.
 
When carried out well, this gives rise to a deep sense of belonging which is the third level of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. A powerful level as this is where people look to be loved and to belong to a team or community.
 
Motivation, productivity and commitment follow in instances when employees feel this deep sense of connection. So how would an organisation make this happen?
 
Creating an organisational culture that holds a strong brand is a brilliant way to start. Setting up a common language where conflicts are minimised, makes for a clear path to focus on the future.
 
I recall a client who focused on just this. He knew that as I worked through levels in the company to help employees grow personally, he would benefit from this at the workplace too. A happy person at home is a happy person at work.
 
When companies spend money to transform their people, employees feel recognised and are proud to be a brand ambassador for the company. This then extends externally to clients where the internal bedrock of stable, happy people shows clearly.
 
All aspects of the company begin to benefit from retention, team work and of course high performance. Organisations are beginning to pick up the signal that creating a harmonious culture leads to these benefits.