Many cerebral people I know focus on so-called “smart” people, those who are able to whip out statistics, shedding light on situations. Move the conversation beyond to relationships and they are lost.
 
Yet for the last twenty plus years of consulting and facilitating, I have found the most successful leaders have amazing communication skills, way beyond their IQ sense of logic, facts and figures.
 
It represents the focus that families have when bringing up their children. Those who stress an all-rounded life from young become the winners, for they populate young minds with all parts of the child’s neurology, allowing for access to creativity and lateral thinking.
 
I grew up in the latter-type family and I have my father to thank. While he was a strict disciplinarian (one look from him meant a lot), we also had fantastic holidays as soon as school closed.
 
There was fun and laughter, worthy conversations and an openness to relationships. I recall a discussion about divorce that a close friend was going through. My father said it could happen to anyone for who knows what circumstances are hurled at you. No judgment just compassion is what people needed.
 
These I know today are words of wisdom. Having empathy and building a connection with others, serves to build and maintain healthy relationships. This becomes the foundation for success in all areas of life.
 
As an NLP Trainer today, I assist individuals and organisations to harness their strength towards making better decisions. First step is to always learn how to build rapport then foster effective communication by resolving conflict and promoting mutual understanding.
 
These skills allow for collaboration within families, departments and pull together to reinforce successful outcomes. I see competitive mindsets that scream “Me, myself, I” in many instances. This does not augur well for results as a whole.
 
NLP helps individuals understand communication styles which begins the journey of understanding the psychology of how people tick. People who learn this have an upper hand in negotiating results that they want.
 
Wouldn’t it be useful if you had this?

If there is one thing I have observed over the two decades of working with people to improve their effectiveness at work, it is that every single one of them (however senior) aspired to build self-confidence at work.

As Sandy moved along with her coaching business she realised the importance of collating data. From age, gender, marital status to career and many other dimensions that she felt would give her deeper insights into trends.

Specialising in helping people in relationships break through mental blocks, she began to notice valuable gender-related data that was beginning to show trends. She felt these patterns of behaviour would help her accelerate coaching results.

This was the birth of Rapid Success Coaching! Sandy began to garner her intuition and data mined trends. Men who signed up for coaching were few and far between. They usually turned up when their relationships were at the end of their tether. Much like her client Richard whose wife left and said she would never return unless he saw a coach.

On arrival to her practice that first day, Sandy observed his physiology which was hunched. He did not make much eye contact. She felt he was like fish out of water. This would not have been his preference if he had a choice.

The coaching room was set up deliberately to calm and relax clients. Soft hues of fabric draped the sofa and pastel-coloured cushions softened the space. It was indeed amazing to see Richard’s level of comfort escalate in a mere session.
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It wasn’t what he thought it would be. Sandy explained that she would not be giving him any advice, rather leave him to make his own choices once she had worked through processes with him.
She used language that he liked and resonated with. As an engineer his lack of communication was merely a resultant of low understanding in the field of how the mind worked. Most of his thoughts were based on therapy in the past that he had seen family and friends succumb to.

He did admit to Sandy in their first session that he was less expressive than his wife. She shared her feelings readily with him but even though he felt things, he found it hard to verbalise. He preferred to just think that the negative feelings would go away but they didn’t.

Sandy immediately set up their next session to clear the anger and rage that stemmed from Richard’s past. It had resided in him for long enough and was choking his ability to express. After all,  the mind and body were connected.

Every thought became a feeling that impacted the body in a negative way. Like a clogged drain, that eventually blocks a pipe. For now it was just his throat that was blocked but over time if this continued, it could be the very cause of a heart attack.

Richard listened with great intent. His annual health markers were starting to show up on the decline. Sandy was already hitting a nerve. As Sandy continued to calibrate all the issues Richard wanted to address during these sessions, she also noted that men had a strong ego that stemmed from competitiveness.

This merely occurred because men found it hard to empathise. She had a process for that too. Sandy made a note to do that in another session. This would give Richard the bandwidth of emotions every human being is entitled to.

Having a choice to operate from trust to control or empathy to authoritarianism, these were lovely options to have. In fact just thinking about it gave Richard a feeling of freedom as the band of emotions had widened. Sandy did explain that this would be a phenomenal result that many people in his circle of influence would notice and to be prepared for it.

What a change that would make? To be complimented rather than put down. He had a reputation for blowing his handle at small things at work and of course this spilled over in his relationship.

A big plus of Rapid Success Coaching is that Richard was being guided to his intuition, something that many men were trained not to do. The training he received as an engineer was to ensure that things had to make sense. Decisions from the head were king.

Sometimes though heart decisions while not linear were right. Attracting exponential results they were the best decisions. It was a matter of trusting self and learn how to do this artfully. A total departure from how he operated today.

He felt elated. He had found Sandy who was process-driven. She understood context and stayed out of his content, the privacy of his life. Needless to say Richard transformed himself in a matter of five coaching sessions.
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Having cleared his past he decided to sign up for an online Zoom course that focused on the future – Create Your Future Now. It was time to design a future that he loved and that included his spouse.

His relationship was skidding down a slippery slope but he caught it in the nick of time and was now skiing to success. O what a feeling!


Sylvia Fernandes is the Founder & CEO of VIA Frontiers. She is a Master Trainer of NLP who is specialised in corporate applications.
She started her business in Sydney in 2002 and has been operating in the Asia Pacific Region ever since. She is currently based in Singapore.
She is also the author of Bye Bye Black Cat -- Turn Your Luck Around and Realise Opportunities. Visit VIA Frontiers for more information.