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A large part of our work at VIA Frontiers is committed to education. We are passionate about helping individuals attain self-management tools, to improve efficiencies and ultimately lead a happy life. The blogs I have written below are testimony to this.
Every blog will add value to the reader and give insights for free. How does an individual shift their focus for a different posture in life that will bring them grace, satisfaction and a life they love. Happy reading!  The race is on and winners seem to be leaders who espouse ethics at the highest level. Employees are frustrated, for working hard has not produced the goods.
In my father’s days, it was enough to have a job. In fact people were thankful to the organization they worked for and gave their life for it. Today where there are choices, people are looking further afield, even compromising on salary to find a job they enjoy with a good boss at the top. Seeing it from the employers’ perspective, employee engagement has become a top priority. So how does a leader change to be more influential with his people? Steven Covey’s book Heart Centered Leadership definitely comes to mind. Authenticity sits at the heart of success. This plays out in obvious initiatives like investment in employees through continuous learning. It is kind of the statement “put your money where your mouth is” playing out. Leaders have a responsibility to create a human culture where people come first. When looked after with this type of care, employees are willing to bend backwards for each other and the organization. Empathetic leaders are sought after today. This permeates in the form of language spoken and actions towards employees. A small gesture I noticed one day as I was consulting in an organization, was how the CEO stopped to have a personal chat with one of her employees. This carried a lot of mileage, fueled by the fact that the employee was chuffed by the CEO’s memory about her child’s illness. She mentioned this to colleagues but I could see her loyalty was sealed. In my career when I was still an employee in a bank, I remember my boss reiterating that we were his first family, one that he spent most hours in a day with. He encouraged us to work in harmony with each other especially when things got tough. We did! To this day I think back about him. What an excellent leader he was. It was such joy going to work every day. He had influenced us to high performance!  One of my clients hired me to set up a culture of accountability in an organization he was responsible for. It was a small outfit comprising 400 plus employees, a good time to install a structure of deep accountability.
This CEO wanted to elevate his employees to high performance by igniting their passion. He needed structured tools that ran down the line, so every employee understood their goals clearly. This enabled them to operate with success at their individual levels while indirectly engaging their teams to a higher level. Expectations were set up front, goals adjusted after two-way discussions. This clear definition of roles and responsibilities with a Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) goal setting process, lessened the work of Supervisors, Managers & Leaders at all levels. Helping employees realise where their gaps were was a great place to start as it defined where focus needed to be directed. Each employee was trained to be a coach and was also assigned a coach. Coaching became part of the corporate culture. There was someone to discuss gaps when results were not being achieved. Wearing the hat of a coach, this also clarified in the coach’s mind how to support another, beyond working on their personal goals. Employees were given contextual help from the organization. For instance updated technology and weekly reviews became a part of the eco-system. Feedback became the norm rather than the exception. A major tenet of accountability, rewarding behaviour that the organization aspired to was clearly laid out. Small wins were celebrated most of the time with verbal recognition, spurring employees forward to the next level. This entire process took less than six months for employees to fully engage. What was the difference that made the difference? Employees knew how their daily roles contributed to the organisation’s Purpose and Vision. They felt a sense of belonging hence were self-motivated. There was no need for managers rather the trust afforded to them went a very long way. They were inspired by the organisation’s level of transparency that helped them meet their commitments. The CEO’s objective was met. With self-discipline installed in his employees, his daily schedule freed up. His open door policy which encouraged employees to meet him if they needed to, was still in place but he noticed, many did not have the need to seek his views anymore. Silo-thinking had broken down and employees were happy, engaged and productive. Throwing his hands in the air, he smiled and said “we did it!".  Ever wondered how to diagnose and attain the difference that makes the difference? Watching the Olympics made me focus on what determined a medalist from the rest.
Apart from the physical, sports people are also proponents of lifelong learning. Taking feedback with every mistake to improve results is a common denominator for all who seek improvement. Another component in operating from high performance, is the preference to employ coaches, as this certainly fast tracks the process. Not only does this require some level of self-reflection, specific information from the coach about how one operates in life also helps catapult people to the next level. So important and not attended to in today’s world is a focus on creating habits that stick. Re-directing the brain from a less productive space to one that accelerates outcomes is the main tenet of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). For example, Senior Leaders may need exemplary presentation skills that are fundamental to their roles. Helping leaders like this create a state of mind that excludes stress or anxiety, rather focusing on being a charismatic presenter is what the NLP toolbox promises. Once a coach is able to help the leader identify what is needed, the process needs to fit the leader. Once this feeling has clicked in for the leader, with minor tweaks, it takes practice beyond this to make it a state of mind that becomes natural. Wearing the state, applying it to a lesser context (for instance a smaller audience) helps the leader feel comfortable with this new way of being. In a matter of weeks sometimes days, this begins to generate confidence in the leader. As a Master Coach I have seen this fast turnaround in so many clients. It is exhilarating for coach and client. Succeeding beyond new boundaries has to be one of the best feelings anyone could ever experience. Creating physical or mental anchors to trigger positive emotional states is probably the most powerful skill any human being could acquire. Learning to access resourceful states like confidence, relaxation, focus, on demand, could most certainly improve levels of productivity hence performance. What does it take? Experiencing an eight day program, totally immersed in the NLP Practitioner technology, learning processes that re-direct the mind. Now wouldn’t that be awesome? Elevate your way of operating and access these gold nuggets that await.  I have had the pleasure to meet some CEOs in my lifetime who have reached this esteemed level of reflective leadership. A key aspect here is the thought of leaving a legacy behind.
Over the years as I have read about corporate greed, where leaders have left padded with money for self and left their organizations in worse conditions, it is inspiring to see leaders who actually do the opposite. One CEO I met was focused on making his people happy. He said as he hired me that he wanted to see his people happy, for when they are happy, they come to work happy. I was enamored of this man. I felt that he truly had his heart in the right place. True to his intentions, the organization went from strength to strength, as employees began to realise their identity. They knew who they were and moved from there to higher performance. Their style of leadership became known to them and leaders were born at all levels. They were inspired to think about the impact they would make as leaders. Movinf forward they were coached and mentored by senior leaders while coaching and mentoring their juniors. All through the organization, I felt the legacy forming. This CEO had a clear vision and had done a great job in mobilizing the people who worked for him. Love and respect for everyone in the organization was established as each employee did what they did with the highest level of contributing back to the organization that gave them so much. This CEO had passed his wisdom on. The organization had installed a continuous learning culture and giving back became a part of the journey. This is truly reflective leadership in operation. I was a part of this incredible journey. It felt truly inspiring. This profound journey couldn’t have happened without the NLP tools I shared. This framework certainly made it easy on employees to navigate through their personal and work lives.  By the time I reached this level of leadership I was a change consultant. Having NLP tools at hand was a big advantage. I knew how to foster a culture of innovation in organisations.
I had reached a level of helping people connect with their identity, working towards their passion. Purpose was the ultimate motivator. Most people at this stage wanted to leave a legacy behind. It was my job to help them find their way. I began by providing people with the tools to dream. Like Walt Disney who created Disneyland from nothing, I continued to facilitate senior teams deeper into their inner most selves. This was a wonderful way to spark the a-ha moments. Often once people reached this level, they understood how to anticipate and shape future trends. They saw opportunities and weaknesses. This spurred them towards their longer term goals. Establishing a mentoring infrastructure within the organisation helped create mentors at all levels. This long term sustainability became the anchor for organisations to lean on as profitability improved. Stability of people individually and people as teams, added value to the leadership model where emerging leaders were spotted and developed within. The key to success when people and long term goals were aligned.  As leadership challenges increase, so do leaders need to keep themselves current. Looking back on my journey as a leader, being the adventurer that I am, I yearned for new horizons.
What else was there to learn? Plenty! Leading teams was a new skill I had not been exposed to. My KPI’s were different. I had to learn how to engage my team to the point of making them high performers. As a Neuro Linguistic Programming Trainer I had tools in the palm of my hand. Setting the direction was fundamental to pulling the team to a common starting point. With frequent weekly meet ups it was fascinating to see how the team were mobilizing towards the strategic direction set which augured well for operational alignment. Every team member was different. Some needed mentoring of how to do the job. Others felt they preferred to be coached towards their goals. This team development morphed from “very difficult” to “more do-able” Ultimately people wanted to be helped along the way to the point where they reached conscious competence. As they moved from conscious to unconscious competence, so did their level of motivation. It was then that I could delegate and set them free. Like an eagle soaring, it was fulfilling for me to experience their performance improvement. This is how I saw myself as a successful leader. When my people were able to traverse new boundaries and thrive. I wasn’t needed anymore. It was time to move to the next level of leadership.  The big jump into senior leadership doesn’t have to be that way. If organisations nurtured their people from one level to the next, new senior leaders would be ready to take the bull by the horns.
By this time, a leader must have already shown some sense of being a visionary, someone able to traverse new boundaries into the unknown. Creating a Vision is one thing, engaging teams to follow, is another. Language and communication sit at the crux of this level of leadership. To be able to pull all stakeholders together towards a common goal takes a charismatic leader. In the Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) toolbox I learnt the language of influence, used frequently by the most enchanting orators. Shocked at the simple structure of this language model, I realized the importance of structure on my leadership journey to this level. Again, things were made so easy when I knew how to use language strategically. In the past, I thought great leaders were born. This was the turning point of my life. Great leaders could be made too. My big picture mind that sprung from the Myers Briggs (MBTI) personality profile helped in carving out organizational strategy. While I had teams to help execute, I found it easy to put building blocks together for the intended outcome. Senior leaders must love change as landscapes ahead are ever-changing! Adaptability and flexibility, two traits deemed crucial from this point on, to hit the ground running moving into the abyss ahead. That adventurer mindset to a large extent is needed for senior leaders today. With this goes a high level of energy and similar teams to support. These are some reasons why a change leader will attract a similar style team. As the team wins with its senior leadership, so does excitement and enthusiasm that creates a sense of belonging, Maslow’s third level of needs that individuals aspire to. At the end of the day, it is the senior leader that attracts everything from their teams to projects and clients. Influence must exude out of a leader at this level that pairs with confidence that individuals are able to see and feel. Ultimately, senior leaders are the glue that hold parts together. They know how to re-invent if need be and charge forward.  Now comes the time to begin putting theory into practice. Given a chance to make mistakes and take feedback to do better the next time, this type of on-the-job training is second to none.
Like toddlers who learn how to stand by falling a few times, so do we as adults need to gain our innate confidence to lead in the future. This confidence-building allows new leaders to make good intuitive decisions over time. I know my journey to intuitive decision making came from a feeling I resonated with. As time went on this feeling became stronger and deeper. If I did not get that feeling, I would either defer my decision to a later time or reject the idea completely. It was only later when I learnt Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) that I realized I was making intuitive decisions rather than logical ones that didn’t stand the course. Gaining confidence in making decisions, I was then able to take responsibility and be accountable for projects. Extending to people-management also began to seem do-able where before it was something in the “too hard” basket. This type of hands-on experience in learning how to be a leader was fundamental to my success. Learning the ropes of how to build and maintain rapport also became challenging until these, termed as basic skills in the NLP toolbox, were learnt. In many ways I later realized that when new things ahead of me loomed difficult like a dark cloud, the important thing was to learn about the subject. As I understood more, the task seemed more do-able and my level of confidence rose. It was then I realized the importance of continuous learning. Attending workshops became a must. I chose topics within leadership that I was weak in. My focus was to pad areas that had gaps so I could feel confident around the leadership subject eventually. Tracing my leadership journey, I see how organisations have the potential to garner their high performers at every level towards a strong leadership path. Why look outside when there are leadership gems waiting to be nurtured?  As leadership becomes increasingly important in organizations, so does the need to recognize and nurture raw talent. After all skills can be developed over time but attitude requires a bit more, beginning with a “want to improve” desire.
Leadership today has also changed phenomenally from decades before. More than anything, resilience with a nimble focus is a necessity to chart uncertain waters. Hence, the journey to becoming an evolved leader involves personal and professional development with a high level of flexibility to embrace change. Today, organizations need to look for organic leaders who already have a deep understanding of culture and are showing clear signs of leadership potemtial. Recognizing new leaders for succession planning needs to emanate from managers who observe the following;
While organizations typically attribute a lot of emphasis to personality profiling for suitability of jobs, I personally believe this is stereotyping individuals. We are capable of a lot more than our innate personality affords, as long as we are flexible and adaptable and willing to do a new job. Pushing beyond the boundaries of our minds, we are able to do jobs that are not within our “favorite things to do” but in the list of “need to do”. Prime Ministers of countries were great leaders despite the fact that their personality profiles did not show natural leadership traits. There are leaders in your organization who are ready to progress to higher levels of stewardship. Harness their potential! The most important trait a great leader needs to possess is the ability to make great decisions. How do they do this? By harnessing the power of their unconscious mind.
I have worked with leaders like this in the twenty plus years of teaching and coaching NLP techniques. Beyond good decision-making, they are able to tap into their creativity, emotional intelligence and therefore, overall effectiveness. This unique talent in making great decisions comes from their intuition. Once the gateway to intuition is opened, it flows in abundance, extremely helpful especially in high-pressure situations. As intuition is rooted in the unconscious mind, drawing from past experiences is natural and processing information rapidly, allows for swift, informed decisions. Great leaders are also deeply aware of self. Recognizing their emotional triggers and managing them effectively is a huge part of being effective. We can only change ourselves not others! What leaders are able to do with others though is have empathy. Understanding the emotions and motivations of others improves their ability to connect and communicate with others. Beyond these, a great leader needs to be strategic and create a long term vision. In touch with their unconscious mind, these leaders often have a clearer vision for the future. They can see beyond immediate challenges and stay focused on long-term goals. They are able to see and integrate building blocks of information into a cohesive whole, aiding in pulling pieces of the puzzle together towards good planning. Innovative solutions pop up as the ability to make connections between these pieces of the big picture, are a classic tenet of the unconscious mind. This is why great leaders need time alone. Time to contemplate their naval. Time to rest and relax. This may seem like wasted time but to the contrary, it is the time when great ideas come to the fore.  Recently, one of my students after the NLP Practitioner International Certification course, was raving to a close friend. “You should do this course. It’s so amazing”.
Her friend said “Oh no! I am not into that woohoo stuff!” Shocked at this corporate lady’s response, my student’s immediate thought was “How sad that something so human is seen as woohoo”. She left it at that. While most of society are aware they have a conscious mind that drives them, they think this is the only mind they possess. WRONG! The conscious and unconscious minds represent different levels of mental functioning, each with distinct characteristics in shaping our thoughts, behaviors, and experiences. They co-exist and an artful balance of both is required to reach genius. For a start, capacity is unlimited with the unconscious mind. It is able to process a much larger volume of information simultaneously. It handles automatic, routine tasks and complex information without requiring conscious effort. This is why people who have learnt how to work with their unconscious, process faster, are quick and efficient, enabling rapid responses and actions. Those who use their conscious mind require focus and attention to perform a task, as it can only handle a limited amount of information at any one time. Another major aspect of life is decision making. As many behaviors are influenced by implicit biases and intuition that reside in the unconscious, those who are aware of these make faster and better decisions. Others who require conscious reflection need time to deliberate which often means missing the boat. In my personal journey, my corporate experience taught me how to make logical, rational decisions. Going beyond, as I upskilled to become an NLP Trainer I learnt the art of flowing in balance with my conscious and unconscious minds. The biggest difference you might ask? Today I save a lot of energy. I KNOW. Decisions are easy. My defined personality makes it easy to live life out of the noise and in flow with my surroundings. A totally different way of being. Why wouldn’t you want it?  Recently, one of my students after the NLP Practitioner International Certification course, was raving to a close friend. “You should do this course. It’s so amazing”.
Her friend said “Oh no! I am not into that woohoo stuff!” Shocked at this corporate lady’s response, my student’s immediate thought was “How sad that something so human is seen as woohoo”. She left it at that. While most of society are aware they have a conscious mind that drives them, they think this is the only mind they possess. WRONG! The conscious and unconscious minds represent different levels of mental functioning, each with distinct characteristics in shaping our thoughts, behaviors, and experiences. They co-exist and an artful balance of both is required to reach genius. For a start, capacity is unlimited with the unconscious mind. It is able to process a much larger volume of information simultaneously. It handles automatic, routine tasks and complex information without requiring conscious effort. This is why people who have learnt how to work with their unconscious, process faster, are quick and efficient, enabling rapid responses and actions. Those who use their conscious mind require focus and attention to perform a task, as it can only handle a limited amount of information at any one time. Another major aspect of life is decision making. As many behaviors are influenced by implicit biases and intuition that reside in the unconscious, those who are aware of these make faster and better decisions. Others who require conscious reflection need time to deliberate which often means missing the boat. In my personal journey, my corporate experience taught me how to make logical, rational decisions. Going beyond, as I upskilled to become an NLP Trainer I learnt the art of flowing in balance with my conscious and unconscious minds. The biggest difference you might ask? Today I save a lot of energy. I KNOW. Decisions are easy. My defined personality makes it easy to live life out of the noise and in flow with my surroundings. A totally different way of being. Why wouldn’t you want it?  Most people answer NO to this question and yet it is the driver that stores our thoughts, feelings and memories. The key point here is that like a hard drive on our computer, it processes everything that is outside our conscious awareness which significantly influences behavior.
The biggest domain of our unconscious mind is to protect us. In doing so, it represses memories and emotions so traumatic experiences don’t surface. These are too painful or disturbing for the conscious mind to handle however repressing them does not mean they have been eradicated. In fact to the contrary, these unresolved emotions such as fear, anger, guilt and sadness are very much driving the individual. This is why many people believe that they are born a certain way and have no control over their emotions. I often hear “oh this runs in our family”. But this is a myth. You can change patterns of behaviour by understanding the unconscious mind, as all change occurs in the unconscious. So imagine if you could master through Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), the methodology to get rid of conditioned emotional and behavioral responses? How cool would that be? For instance, breaking the pattern of flinching at the tonality of your boss because he resembles your father’s tonality, who you never got along with. Often people who have never delved into learning about their unconscious mind, are unaware of their behaviours. Why do I like / dislike this person so much? Is it a matter of the look they have that reminds me of someone in my past? Instinctive reactions and intuitive judgments often arise from unconscious processing of information and past experiences like these. This is how individuals can help themselves achieve more in life. Eradicating phobias and irrational fears which are rooted in unconscious memories and associations, leave them to create a life that they yearn for. NLP has more than a hundred processes in its toolbox, each designed to attend to either removing past negativity and once done, to create a life that the individual desires. This is where true transformation lies!  “Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are but we are responsible for who we become” – Barbara Geraci
This quote signifies my motto in life. Since reinventing myself from a career banker to an NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) Trainer, I have taken charge of my life by learning about my unconscious mind and making it work for me. Tapping into my unconscious mind was not a deliberate strategy on my part. Life just took me towards a path of personal growth. I first joined courses that were based on conscious mind strategies. Important to get the ball rolling and then go beyond to the more powerful mind. The unconscious mind influences our behaviors, decisions and abilities but most often since people are unaware of this way of being, operate below what they could achieve. My unconscious mind which helped me access hidden thoughts, feelings, and motivations was a new world. I embarked on meditation practices initially through guided imagery, learning about the visuals I was creating in my mind. Then went on to 10 day Vipassana meditation retreats to understand myself better. While accessing deeper realms of my mind, I began to become aware of my dreams, many of which were messages about my future Life’s Path. One thing led to another. I was drawn to dance and art, expressions of my creative brain, exploring and harnessing the potential of my unconscious mind. I loved every moment of these new parts of ME. Yoga became part of my weekly practice and out of curiosity, I attended classes on Tarot Reading, Astrology, Palmistry and more. I felt a calling to learn and eventually my Path settled on NLP. Having found my calling, I soared to high performance without trying. I loved what I did. I had become a facilitator of change, pulling all of my vast experience together from my beginnings in corporate. My heart sang in doing this work even though it was long hours of consulting, working with clients to get the desired outcomes. Today, I urge everyone to attend whatever makes your heart sing. Become the person you want to be by upskilling your talents and moving towards your strengths. Allow yourself this bandwidth to find meaning in your life. High performance will just follow! As a trained Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) consultant, my mind is leaps and bounds ahead of the ordinary man who walks on the street, unaware of the way he operates. What distinguishes me from the masses? My level of acute self-awareness.
Freud developed theories about the unconscious mind. He postulated that behaviour is influenced by thoughts, memories and desires, outside a person’s conscious awareness. Exactly like a computer program, the unconscious mind runs based on patterns from data that I have uploaded into my CPU. Daily experiences good and bad are absorbed through a process of osmosis. I see, hear, feel, taste and smell through my day, adding to my library of events already in my memory. When not organized or when negative memories are accepted without consideration, these begin to pose problems for the person. For instance, as an adult I now know to reject anything that does not represent who I am. If I am asked to do a certain behaviour, I have the choice to do it or not. If they don’t align with my values I walk away. If they resonate, I embrace. This is how I choose friends. How would you pick people to walk alongside you in life, if you didn’t know who you were. My decisions and responses are driven by my underlying thoughts and emotions. Most people are unaware that there is a structure to the unconscious mind and all it takes is the desire to learn it. While many modalities are available today, the genius NLP model created by Grinder and Bandler in the late 70’s far surpass others. Why you might ask? Because NLP like a computer, has form and structure, easily learnt through process. Adding A, B and C together results in a specific outcome. It’s easy to learn, isn’t exclusive to people who have fancy education rather is biased towards those who are already in touch with their emotional self. Profound results are at the end of the road. Accelerated results a definite! In this fast paced world, two tenets of life that breed success. The unconscious mind, so fascinating a subject for all who want to be ahead of the game!  I was told the other day by a friend that life is just as good without goals. Most people who set goals are focused on what they want specifically. Those who say they don’t, could perhaps have a big picture idea of where they would like to be by a certain age.
As a specialist of the unconscious mind, Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) provides tools for setting and achieving goals. What are we doing exactly? We are focusing the unconscious mind on what we want, represented in language of the five senses. Individuals who do not set goals are not the masters of their destiny! The unconscious mind is obedient. It waits for instructions. If you know what you want, you are then able to create this in the five senses specifically. This is but the tip of the iceberg in commanding your unconscious mind to go out and get it. The weaker conscious mind merely takes steps in line with this goal that has been set. So, this dance between the conscious and unconscious minds is an art. Learning how to do this for better results is the way to go. Attending an NLP Practitioner Program leaves participants with the full array of pieces in the puzzle, of how to live life fully. More than anything, finding an individual’s Life Path is of prime significance. By helping individuals clarify their objectives and create effective strategies for their lives, individuals can over time, continually apply NLP techniques to set new goals, overcome obstacles, staying focused on their personal and professional aspirations. This is the way to do life easily. Eradicating internal conflict, an individual feels freedom in making swift, good decisions, the most basic life skill that is missing in many. Caught up in Life’s whirlwind as events happen quickly today, individuals are finding it harder to cope. Another reason why thinking different has become imperative! Think about it. If you had a clear mindset with tools to solve any problem and propel you towards your goals, wouldn’t that be awesome? I took that step more than twenty years ago and have never looked back. Do life the easy way and you will know what loving the life you lead, means. Elevating mental health and producing fabulous results in the end will leave you a happy and content individual. Goal setting will happen so automatically, you will learn how to do it the way your unconscious mind understands.  Observing successful individuals climb the corporate ladder in a short space of time requires strong communication skills. In this order, every individual would do themselves justice if they did the following;
Understand your Personality Preferences We are born with preferences. As a trained Myers Briggs Personality Type Indicator (MBTI) facilitator, I know the importance of this especially for leaders, when setting up their teams. A senior leadership team without diverse personality types is in grave danger for they see things the same way, rather than attend to the objections of someone with opposite preferences. Transform Yourself by Letting Go of the Past Unbeknownst to many, we are driven by our past programming. If we don’t eradicate old limiting beliefs that serve us in today’s context, we are doomed. Attending a Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) workshop would address this. It is the only personal development modality that transforms individuals at the training they attend as learning is through the five senses. Bypassing conscious mind filters, the unconscious mind is easily accessed. Focus Your Unconscious Mind on the Future Values are our deepest unconscious filter. Not knowing how to elicit them leaves individuals powerless. The greatest asset a decision maker could have is to understand their values and align them with a future path. This is where a Vision forms and building blocks fall in place for success. It is the pathway to intuition which is the greatest asset individuals possess but are not using. Most don’t know how to. Learning with structure and process so that success is easily replicable, is one of the deepest tenets of sustainable success. The answer lies in attending an NLP Practitioner Program which equips individuals with a powerful jigsaw puzzle for life. Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) skills are incredibly versatile and are applied in various aspects of life for long-term personal and professional development. Using these life skills, individuals go from strength to strength, operating from resilience and adaptability. Wouldn’t everyone want this?  The world we live in today requires problem solving skills more than ever. Nothing is static or predictable. In fact quite the opposite. Our landscape is changing, fast!
How does one migrate from an operational mindset as managers have, to one of being solution-focused? It is not possible via the conscious mind. I would turn blue telling someone to do a task better. This is because all personal change occurs through the unconscious mind. While it sounds abstract, it is the exact opposite. Working through our senses – what we see, hear and feel, we are able to edit memories captured in a way that does not produce powerful results. In a nutshell re-writing personal history is possible when you are trained in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). A genius model filled with process and structure, individuals transform to higher self-worth in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Ordinary people become extraordinary! Operational minds are transformed to entrepreneurial minds. Possibilities are enormous and individuals begin to get a taste of success without help from authority figures. NLP encourages this independent mindset and provides methods for effective problem-solving. Over time, individuals with NLP skills operate with openness and transparency, they become highly sought after. Consistently approaching challenges with creativity, flexibility and a resourceful mindset, they seek mentors and become available to mentor as well. The learning bug captures their attention which takes them to a higher level of performance and success in the organisation. All it takes is attending an NLP Practitioner Program that gives individuals tools to access their unconscious mind. Problems are not seen as problems. Challenges are taken on easily as answers that reside in the unconscious, are available in a format and structure, easy to access. Why do individuals take time to attend this type of profound Program? Because they are not ready to take on the challenge of a new life that awaits. Those “called” to this have either had enough with bad results or know there is something better they are yet to find. Either way, it is a Program that helps people move to a deeper dimension of SELF and IDENTITY that presents the source of all success. For when we know who we are, we have found our Path.  Many cerebral people I know focus on so-called “smart” people, those who are able to whip out statistics, shedding light on situations. Move the conversation beyond to relationships and they are lost.
Yet for the last twenty plus years of consulting and facilitating, I have found the most successful leaders have amazing communication skills, way beyond their IQ sense of logic, facts and figures. It represents the focus that families have when bringing up their children. Those who stress an all-rounded life from young become the winners, for they populate young minds with all parts of the child’s neurology, allowing for access to creativity and lateral thinking. I grew up in the latter-type family and I have my father to thank. While he was a strict disciplinarian (one look from him meant a lot), we also had fantastic holidays as soon as school closed. There was fun and laughter, worthy conversations and an openness to relationships. I recall a discussion about divorce that a close friend was going through. My father said it could happen to anyone for who knows what circumstances are hurled at you. No judgment just compassion is what people needed. These I know today are words of wisdom. Having empathy and building a connection with others, serves to build and maintain healthy relationships. This becomes the foundation for success in all areas of life. As an NLP Trainer today, I assist individuals and organisations to harness their strength towards making better decisions. First step is to always learn how to build rapport then foster effective communication by resolving conflict and promoting mutual understanding. These skills allow for collaboration within families, departments and pull together to reinforce successful outcomes. I see competitive mindsets that scream “Me, myself, I” in many instances. This does not augur well for results as a whole. NLP helps individuals understand communication styles which begins the journey of understanding the psychology of how people tick. People who learn this have an upper hand in negotiating results that they want. Wouldn’t it be useful if you had this?  I stumbled across my Life Path’s journey unknowingly. My heart raced as I heard my friend Geraldine’s voice filled with excitement and emotion. She was happy. I felt it. It would be good to have some of what she had too” I thought at the time.
She had just completed a personal growth program. Needless to say I was roped in to experience this and others, some of which I loved. Others that did not resonate, I left behind. Beginning with the basics, I was a tough nut to crack. I had a strong mind, trained ferociously by my corporate experience as a banker. While it was a great foundation to operate from, it also didn’t allow for growth in the emotional and spiritual realms. There were expectations to be a certain way, operate from logic, casting aside my true self. The Rolls Royce of personal growth programs came last. I was introduced to Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) by my friend John who was a Practitioner from twenty years before. The biggest draw for me was that the entire NLP model comprised techniques for self-discovery with an extremely deep structure. I loved how it drew on process and context rather than content. Exploring and understanding values, beliefs and behaviors I was able to disband with emotional blockages which surfaced in the form of beliefs I held from my upbringing. Little did I know that they were family beliefs that did not augur well for my current life. By clearing these and creating new, more effective beliefs, I supported my continuous growth. I could leave alone, the “content” of how these beliefs were installed. Private incidences could be left private. I did not need the who, where and when to make or facilitate change. Very accelerated in achieving results through increased emotional intelligence I found I understood and managed myself effectively. Empathy levels escalated and my ability to navigate complex social situations heightened. Being a person who loved change, I took to NLP like a duck to water. Working through certification as an NLP Trainer, I jumped to the other side and became a facilitator. Traveling across boundaries physical and emotional, to find clients who needed to make change. Today, I realise I found my Life Path through my personal growth journey. What do I have today that I did not have before? A life filled with Purpose and Passion. Did I think about personal growth in this way? A definite NO. In essence, my heart sang and pulled me towards my Life’s calling! I urge you on this path too. If you feel there is something greater out there for you, scour the personal growth arena for anything that calls out to you. NLP skills provide a foundation for lifelong learning and personal evolution. Individuals are able to navigate the complexities of life with confidence, resilience, and a positive mindset. The adaptability and universality of NLP make it a valuable asset for long-term personal and professional success. If you would like to experience some of what I did, decide on a Path and begin the Journey.  A typical statement isn’t it?
On meeting participants at my Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) trainings, I address exactly this. “Most of you have been sent to this Program and you don’t really want to be here. You have so much to do at your desk and you feel this is a waste of time” I say. Asking for a show of hands, I am deliberately eliciting engagement with my audience. By doing this, I am beginning to gain rapport with them. As a Trainer I step into their world to understand and empathize where they are. My focus is to eventually bring them closer to my day’s objective. Beyond that conversation which extroverts typically begin, it is my job as the presenter of the day, to engage introverts, the remaining audience, who take a longer time to warm up. These are some power presenting tools that successful trainers hold. As a Transformation Specialist one of my success beliefs is to make the time spent worthwhile, for my audience. Taking trainees deep into the workings of their unconscious mind, I emphasize flexibility and the ability to adapt to change. NLP skills in broadbrush strokes, helps people navigate through life’s changes whether in career, relationships or on the personal front, with resilience and a positive mindset. A situation I encountered many years ago when a gentlemen about to retire, exclaimed the exact title of this article. I could see the difficulty he was having just being there. Approaching him, I promised that he would be thankful by the end of the Program as this was not just another training. He confirmed this at the end and exclaimed he had learnt so much on how to communicate with his son. I encouraged him to learn more as ongoing learning would lead to mastery especially when advanced NLP techniques were explored. Engaging in continuous self-improvement could only lead to better outcomes in whatever aspect of life. He promised he would do so. Just one 2-day Program made a huge difference to this man’s life. He saw situations differently and had the tools to rectify / solve problems. Wouldn’t you want to be in his shoes? Don’t wait for life to take you to a dead end. Begin your self-exploration journey today.  “Don’t think of a pink elephant!” was my instruction to the audience in front of me, as I began teaching the language segment of my class. They burst out laughing. I knew they had done just the opposite. Most of them had a visual of pink elephants in their head. I had captured their attention.
Carrying on, I explained that the unconscious mind could not process negatives. Words like don’t, can’t, won’t and so on, were deleted internally because the unconscious mind processes through the five senses. What we see, hear, feel, taste and smell in our daily experience is stored this way. Having trained people from all walks of life to understand how they operate, I am super alert to language used around me. Let me share a recent example that occurred a few weeks ago. I lawn bowl in my free time. As the National tournaments commenced I was pitched against an 11 year old in one of my matches. She was a first timer so I knew the pressure of bowling in a competition of adults, would be mounting within her though she was adamant she would be ok. Halfway through our match she burst into tears sobbing at the edge of the Green. I waited patiently while her mum and coach began to get her out of this negative state. I heard negative language like “stop crying” which made me cringe. They were focusing her on crying and so obviously, she carried on. I couldn’t intervene (as with most times when I observe people using negative language) since I was her opponent. I hear parents speak to their children so much in this way not knowing they are installing exactly what they do not want. It’s more effective to say it the way you want it; - “focus on the game” - “you have already won the first set” - “the game can turn from one second to another” A simple awakening to a small aspect of language has the potential to change your life. Responses will begin to emerge as positive and you are far closer to the outcome that you desire. Try it and observe. These are simple processes in the Neuro Linguistic Programming toolbox that can change your life around immediately.  My recent trip to Lisbon began at the check-in counter. Computer terminals were not working as a check-in staff hopped from one to another, hoping for better luck. Her frustration was mounting as she raced against time.
I was glad when she looked up and beckoned to me. Pushing my heavy-laden trolley forward, I began to step into her world. It was a bad start to her morning. Speaking in a tone, rhythm and speed similar to her, I began to build rapport, a fundamental Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) technique. This relaxed her. She felt I was familiar which gave her the focus she needed to get her job done fast. I was carrying 61kg of personal belongings for a friend who had just migrated from Singapore. For me, it was fundamentally about how I could get as much checked in as possible. Giving her the silence that she needed intermittently, I slowly wove a story in to her unconscious mind, about my friend. I felt she had much in common as I realised she was single too. I knew she was intrigued as she asked more questions, engaging with me. Her curiosity led me to believe that she was in the same predicament. I had struck some empathy with her. She looked at my trolley and asked “do you wish to check all those bags?” I frowned with a smile and said “yes” then left a block of silence. I gave her time to process. She said “give me a minute” and hurried over to her manager. Nodding her head as she returned, she said “I’ll do it for you”. I couldn’t believe my ears. My heart thumped with excitement as all boxes were checked in seamlessly. She had acceded to my request. I wasn’t charged for the additional 21kg. She totally understood my desire to help a friend and the gates of rapport had opened within her, to help me. I had stepped into her shoes to realise that she too might want new possibilities someday. Thinking back I reflected on what I had done. This is what came to mind; LOOK FOR A CONNECTION
MATCH TONALITY OF SPEECH
USE NEGATIVES TO YOUR ADVANTAGE
This is outcome-driven communication. You become targeted in approach. If you enjoyed this read, it is a sign that you are ready to learn more NLP techniques.  The person with the greatest behavioral flexibility will often take control. One of a myriad of success beliefs that Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioners live their lives by.
Problems occur when people uphold a mindset of rigidity. My way or the highway does not augur well for resolutions or negotiations to a strong positive outcome. So I guess the question is what keeps people rigid? Is it the authoritarian in them or the fear to traverse new boundaries? Either way it reflects on the person. Employees in organisations who make great progress up the career ladder are flexible in their approach. That is why they are earmarked beyond their colleagues. What are some points that might reveal these types of people? • A willingness to learn • Positive approach to being coached • Volunteer to do new projects • Open communication style Why are these the tenets to success? Because as employees climb the career ladder they become responsible for teams. There is a need to understand makeup of the workforce and diversity that peoples’ behaviors bring. At this point behaviour becomes business. Leaders who understand behaviour, know how to coach them to success. They become the winners. Employees emerge self-driven and motivated. No need for a manager to “manage”! Flexible leaders attract people to them. Employees want to work with such leaders. It works both ways. A relationship made in heaven, one that could make all the difference. Those who continue in rigidity fall away beneath the radar. They live a monotonous life in an automatic way of being. Unnecessary and sad as there is no shortage of courses and books, seminars on and offline to open one’s mind. For me, a turning point in my life was mastering NLP techniques. Working with the unconscious mind I learnt how to build rapport and engage people to success. Like bees to honey I enroll people in my life who join me on my Purposeful journey. |
SYLVIA FERNANDES
Sylvia is a qualified Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Master Trainer. She started her business in Sydney and is now based in Singapore. Archives
December 2024
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